The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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