I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
