The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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