Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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