i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
