oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
