I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
