I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
