Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
