This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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