Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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