You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
