oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
