they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
