Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Such a big mess for such a small penis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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