I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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