I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
