i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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