So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
