Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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