I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
