this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
