woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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