Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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