Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
