I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
