Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
