Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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