i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This is my gift to your gina
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
