One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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