You're my little dorito
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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