so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
