we made out on top of his cat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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