need another drink. this is the easiest way
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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