can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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