I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
