your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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