We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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