You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize