pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
