remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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