Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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