I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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