I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
