I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
