Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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