Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
