the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
