someone threw a dead crab at me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
