so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The air taste purple.
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