If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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