I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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