she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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