Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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