next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
