I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
