A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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