Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
