he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
