Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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