Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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