Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
